Redefining Family

“This story is necessary in terms of bringing the beauty and agony of adoption out of the shadows.” Written as a narrative to my daughter, I wanted her to have the whole story. Where she came from. Why I placed her for adoption. And how, for the next eighteen years, I hovered on the edges of her family, granted access by her generous parents, but always wanting more. More for her, and more for me. This daughter, who arrived before I was ready for her, redefined love and hope and family. I am not ready, not able, to raise you. Ten years too early, I need time to grow up. To offer you, I have love. And nothing else. You need more than I have to give, Unless I give you up. To parents who are ready, waiting, to raise you. Ten years wanting, with a ready home. Parents who have love, And everything else, too. If I do it, If I break my own heart to spare yours, Will it work? Will you be happier, healthier this way? And will I ever be okay again? This unconventional memoir tells the story of a kinship adoption from the perspective of a birthmother. The intimate narrative will break your heart, then heal it, with new perspectives on adoption, openness, and the complex ways we define family.