Accept No Substitutes

Ralph Garvey thinks he’s planned the perfect escapade: slip past Customs, blast off in his private space yacht, and enjoy a forbidden synthetic companion far from the puritanical reach of Earth’s Sexual Morality Act. But fate—and bad timing—intervene when a surprise inspection nearly exposes the giant crate he’s smuggled aboard. Once Garvey reaches deep space and activates the surrogate, his relief turns to terror. Instead of an Earth-standard model, he’s purchased an Algolian surrogate—an android designed for a heavier world, a richer atmosphere, and a species with strength far beyond human norms. Her beauty is breathtaking, but her affectionate instincts are overpowering… and potentially lethal. What unfolds is classic Sheckley: a fast, funny, nerve-twisting chain of misunderstandings and escalating danger. Garvey soon finds himself trapped inside his ship with a companion who sees him as the perfect mate—and is strong enough to crush him without meaning to. Sheckley turns a simple premise into a frantic battle of wits, desperation, and survival, all while skewering human vanity, desire, and the dream of a “perfect” substitute for real connection. Robert Sheckley (1928–2005) stands tall among the great humorists of science fiction. Rising to prominence in the 1950s, he became celebrated for his razor-sharp wit, ironic storytelling, and ability to mix satire with interstellar adventure. His stories appeared in Galaxy, Astounding, If, F&SF, and nearly every major magazine of the era. Throughout his career, Sheckley wrote hundreds of short stories, numerous novels, and several screen adaptations. “Accept No Substitutes” is a prime example of his ability to make readers laugh, gasp, and reflect all at once—a timeless reminder that some desires are better left un-automated.