How to Not Be a Complete Cunt

You're not a monster. You've just been kind of an asshole lately. Deep down, you know it. The sigh at the self-checkout. The "per my last email." The 11 p.m. text you knew was a mistake while you were typing it. This book is for the moment before you do it again. How to Not Be a Complete Asshole is a short, foul-mouthed, laugh-out-loud toolkit of 35 quick fixes, each one taking ten seconds or less. No inner peace. No journaling about your childhood. Just practical tools for the exact moments you're about to be a dick. Inside you'll find: A savage but affectionate Self-Check to find out how bad it really is Emergency brakes for mid-argument, mid-email and mid-eye-roll Fixes for mornings, work, group chats, family, road rage, checkout lines and buffets How to apologize properly, including a ban on "I'm sorry you feel that way" A fill-in-the-blanks personal toolkit and an Official Anti-Asshole Contract 35 illustrated cartoons you'll recognize yourself in Every tool comes with a "Why It Works" box, so you get the reasoning without the lectures Perfect for: Secret Santa and white elephant exchanges, birthdays, stocking stuffers, the coworker with the short fuse, the friend who swears like a sailor, and the person in your life who's about to read this and say "that's not me." (It's them.) Adults only. Contains swearing, sarcasm and home truths. You were warned. Grab a copy, and try not to be weird about it.