Check In, Don't Check Out

Dark Comedy – Cosmic & Eldritch Horror – Workplace Satire The guests are monsters. The manager is worse. And the concierge is having the best night of his career. Felix has spent six miserable years at the Grand Alpine, a five-star resort buried high in the Swiss Alps, perfecting the art of making impossible guests feel at home. He can polish a marble lobby, balance a wine glass, and apologize for almost anything. Then an avalanche cuts the hotel off from the outside world. And the Obsidian Group checks in. They want forty gallons of goat blood. Black silk over every mirror. A ceremonial dagger sharpened to perfection. And, most importantly, the hotel's general manager. Felix knows exactly what kind of guests have arrived: an ancient death cult preparing a cosmic horror ritual beneath the glittering facade of a luxury mountain resort. For once, the guests' demands don't bother him. Because they have asked for the one thing Felix has secretly wanted for years. Mr. Sterling. As the blizzard rages outside and reality begins to fracture inside the Grand Alpine, Felix discovers that five-star hospitality can be a surprisingly effective weapon. Soon, demonic rituals become room-service requests, supernatural disasters become maintenance tickets, and eldritch horrors become just another line item on the guest's bill. But keeping a luxury hotel running during an occult apocalypse requires more than impeccable service. It requires management. Check In, Don't Check Out is a wickedly funny dark comedy horror novel blending cosmic horror, occult horror, workplace satire, absurdist fiction, and luxury hotel comedy into one gloriously twisted survival story. The apocalypse has arrived. Please enjoy your stay.