Dead serious

The apocalypse is here, and it's being handled by an idiot. Meet Vernon P. Cruddle. While the "prepared" people were busy sharpening katanas and hoarding canned peaches, Vernon was busy trying to figure out why his toaster was smoking. Now, the world has ended, the neighbors are literally eating each other, and Vernon—a man whose primary survival skill is "breathing without instruction"—is somehow still standing. In Dead Serious, the first volume of a seven-part saga of pure, unadulterated dumb luck, Vernon presents a "survival guide" for the rest of us. You know, the people who would probably trip over a curb while fleeing a horde of the undead. Inside this accidental masterpiece, you'll discover: How to outrun a zombie when you have the cardio of a sedentary sloth. Why "playing dead" works surprisingly well when you're already paralyzed by fear. The tactical advantage of a heavy frying pan (and why you'll probably hit yourself with it). Vernon P. Cruddle didn't ask to be the voice of a generation—he just wanted to finish his sandwich. But if he can survive a global catastrophe through a series of slapstick miracles, maybe there's hope for you, too. Probably not, but hey, it's worth a read before you get chewed on.