Death by Doormat

Pleasing others above ourselves is something many of us can relate to, and this personal discovery took 50 years to break the habit and liberate myself. Death by Doormat is a raw, firsthand account of what it’s like to be a Bonafede people pleaser. I’ll expose my vulnerabilities, insights, and how I’ve tackled this stifling condition. Constructed for the time poor, it briefly explores new conceptual thinking to raise awareness on the traits we share, and how to reframe them for self-empowerment. First we visit the source of our people pleasing behaviours, followed by the vulnerabilities which thwart our attempts to make change. We then move into eight major traits which are indicative of people pleasing. They include the trigger to always being positive, regardless of how we’re feeling underneath. Having great instincts but not choosing to act upon them for fear of failure. We cover those who don’t believe they ‘need’ for anything which creates more disconnection from others and how we avoid conflict but simultaneously are a target because of our pleasing nature. The concept of fearing success out of guilt for those around us, and despite good intent, how we try to fix those around us, even to the point of enabling bad behaviour. The next couple of chapters caution us against the ‘me time’ movement when it swings too far in the self-centred direction. It also endeavours to provide a solution for the underlying resentments we people pleasers carry which not only disempowers us but can lead to complete social withdrawal. The closing remarks reassure that there is a way to have the best of both worlds. We can achieve a healthier balance; that is, look after our own interests while simultaneously being even more present for those around us.