How to Fail at Everything

What if failure wasn't something to avoid—but something to master**?** Welcome to How to Fail at Everything, the laugh-out-loud, brutally honest, and weirdly inspirational anti-guide to life, love, career, and all the awkward chaos in between. This isn't your typical self-help book—it's self-hurt. Written by a charmingly self-destructive narrator who's made more bad choices than a Hollywood sequel, this is the ultimate manual for anyone tired of pretending to have it all together. From setting unrealistic goals with zero planning to turning overthinking into a full-time career, each chapter dives headfirst into the glorious mess of modern life. You'll learn the fine art of procrastination, the thrill of sabotaging relationships, and the true joy of budgeting like a drunken pirate. Want to turn fitness goals into fridge-stalking marathons? We've got that. Ready to launch a dream career built on buzzwords and blind confidence? That's in here too. This book isn't about turning your life around—it's about accepting that you've probably been facing the wrong way the whole time… and learning to laugh about it. Whether you're crying in the pantry over a failed diet, ghosted after sending one too many emojis, or trying to fake confidence in a meeting where you don't even understand your own PowerPoint, How to Fail at Everything reminds you that sometimes the most relatable moments are the most ridiculous ones. Inside you'll find: Deliberately bad advice on everything from gym routines to emotional stability Wickedly funny tips for surviving adulting, barely Relatable blunders that feel like your own diary, but louder and funnier Pro-level failure techniques for overachievers in chaos And yes, a heartfelt reminder that you are not alone in your glorious wreckage Perfect for fans of David Sedaris, Jenny Lawson, Simon Rich, or anyone who's ever burned a meal while reading an inspirational quote about time management, this book offers comic relief for the chaos we all live in. Whether you're failing at relationships, careers, self-care, or just trying to keep a houseplant alive, How to Fail at Everything gives you permission to laugh at the mess—and maybe even love it a little. So, toss out your vision board, cancel your motivational podcast, and step into the hilariously liberating land of failure. You may not come out wiser… but you'll definitely come out smiling.