The Knobfather

THE KNOBFATHER Forget the horse head. Meet the horse cock. In the rain-soaked gutters of Barnsley, where debt is thicker than chicken shit and dignity died sometime around Thatcher, one deeply miserable chicken farmer discovers he has the most powerful weapon in Yorkshire — and accidentally becomes a crime-boss porn legend. Meet Chris Dickinson: bankrupt, divorced, clinically depressed, and cursed with a monstrously huge penis that becomes the ultimate debt-collection tool. When he joins the McTavish crime family, he doesn't bring guns or knives — he brings the Barnsley Battering Ram. One viral OnlyFans accident turns his mob shakedowns into the most unhinged form of adult comedy crime fiction ever put on the internet. From Doncaster chippies to rigged whippet races, from porn-studio mafia wars to gangland baptisms involving beer, cum and drones, The Knobfather is a filthy, savage satire of modern Britain where: • The mafia runs on Wi-Fi • Porn stardom replaces social mobility • And a giant cock ends gang wars faster than a shotgun Inside you'll find: British dark comedy at full nuclear strength Crime fiction parody with real emotional bite OnlyFans satire and influencer culture gone feral Gangsters, porn stars, whippets, hens, and absolute lunacy A tragicomic hero trying to survive fame, debt, and his own anatomy This is Trainspotting meets The Godfather meets South Yorkshire porn hell — a brutal, hilarious, deeply British cult novel about masculinity, money, and how capitalism will monetise anything literally. If you love: Transgressive comedy, British crime novels, satirical erotica, gangland farce, OnlyFans culture, or books that should not legally exist… …then The Knobfather is your next filthy obsession. Family first. Lube second.