The Odd-yssey of Odysseus: How to Spend 20 Years Getting Home Without Asking for Directions

?? The Odd-yssey of Odysseus: How to Spend 20 Years Getting Home Without Asking for Directions by Homer Sapien Ever thought your commute was bad? Try being Odysseus — war hero, ship captain, part-time cyclops stabber, and full-time expert in "taking the scenic route." In this epic (and epically avoidable) detour, Odysseus proves that with a little hubris, a dash of divine wrath, and absolutely zero interest in Google Maps, you too can turn a two-week journey into a two-decade disaster. Join our navigationally-challenged protagonist as he offends gods, outwits monsters, and redefines the phrase "I'm on my way home" — all while his long-suffering wife Penelope weaves, waits, and probably wonders if he just didn't like being married. From the genius mind of Homer Sapien — the literary equivalent of a bard with a Wi-Fi signal — comes the adventure of a lifetime, filled with sea monsters, seductive sorceresses, and more poor decision-making than your last group vacation. It's a tale so timeless, you'll forget it's been retold for 3,000 years. Why read this book? Learn what not to do when angering a sea god. Feel better about your own procrastination habits. Discover the original king of gaslighting ("I was coming back, honey!"). Fall in love with Homer Sapien's other works, like The Iliad: Bro Code Violations in Bronze Armor and Penelope's Guide to Dating While Widowed But Not Really. So buckle up your sandals, dodge a few sirens, and prepare to be entertained. Odysseus may not have known where he was going, but Homer Sapien knows exactly how to get you hooked.