Pills against suicide

Dear reader, If you have ever contemplated suicide, this is the book for you. I am a man who thought about it, at least once a week more seriously from the ages of 13 to 30, and at least once a month from the ages of 30 to 40. Fortunately, it always remained just an idea. Although I pushed my car off a cliff at the age of 22, thank God I got out before it fell. I have suffered from social phobia since childhood and never thought I would live to see 30. That I would endure it. The most severe form of the disease. Imagine that on your body - it's like having a kidney stone attack 24/7/365. I started taking anxiolytics to somehow survive, to put suicide out of my mind. The number of pills I was taking was increasing. How come it was pills and not alcohol or heroin? Coincidentally, my best friend and father owns a pharmacy. They sold me, and more often gave me, pills. In return, I helped him with college. I graduated in economics, but I work as the head of the IT department. We were and are best friends.. And he always warned me..Of course, I became an addict. For 15 years I took 35-45 anxiolytics a day, then 10 years of 75-78 pills, then 42 days of detoxication. Today I am on 35-45 anxiolytics, for the last 4 years. I considered the aforementioned 78 to be the border between life and death. I would like to warn you that what I did should not be done by anyone! You have your family doctor, a psychiatrist, and listen to them. I tried everything, it didn't work, I just increased the number of anxiolytics. Everything possible: I also take three types of antidepressants! I went through various psychotherapies, I even tried TMS-transcranial magnetic stimulation. Nothing. By the way, I will always say in the book, I have been using the strongest doses of anxiolytics my whole life, e.g. Alprazolam 1 mg, Diazepam 10 mg..The disease manifested itself when I was about 13 years old. They prescribed me the first Diazepam when I was 14! I was supposed to go to a psychiatric hospital for observation. I didn't, I was afraid of the patients wandering around. So, around the age of 22, I became a regular user of anxiolytics and the number only grew. With corona, insomnia also appeared. I am acquiring a new addiction: to hypnotics. While corona lasted, I almost did not sleep at all. However, corona passed, but the insomnia remained. I went to work for another 3 months with 3, 4 hours of sleep. I took 21 pills every night to fall asleep. I also considered those 21 to be the border between life and death. I couldn't take it anymore, I went to the doctor, told them about insomnia and anxiolytics, and ended up in rehabilitation. When I told them everything, they didn't believe me, so many amounts, so many years, and I'm still alive. They said: Prepare for the worst! However, the first blood and urine tests, all 50 or so items, were within the reference values! Every few days again. CT scan of the brain, liver enzymes, thyroid hormones, everything was fine. They didn't believe me that I really drank that much. The director of the Clinic said that I was alive because my body was gradually getting used to the higher and higher numbers. I think there is another thing that is equally responsible. I'll tell you. Today, at 53 years old, I take 35-40 anxiolytics and 6 hypnotics and my results are still fine. I work as an IT manager. Warning: Don't try this, I've been doing this since I was 13, I pay attention to many other things, I've learned how to behave in difficult social situations. I also used some other auxiliary drugs for protection. I believe I could have done it with half the pills, but..In the book you will find many secrets on how to survive, no matter what your problem is. Don't be like me, be careful and be attentive and listen to your psychiatrist. But always know that it is better to take 20 diazepam pills than to kill yourself. Good luck and best