Vibe

Relationships are the heart of everything we do. Yet too often we think fostering the best collaboration is about the character of the parties involved. In fact the dynamic between people is usually more a property of chemistry than personality. But when we try to build bonds between people, we often overemphasize the ingredients of their personality and underestimate the power of their environments. Although there isn’t a surefire formula for interpersonal chemistry, it has something in common with combustion. It requires fuel, oxygen, and the right source of heat. My passion for this topic isn’t just professional; it’s personal. As a shy introvert, new relationships haven’t always come easily to me. Over the past two decades, I’ve honed my ability to connect with students as a teacher, leadership teams as an advisor, and strangers as a podcast host. I assumed our most popular episodes would be driven by the quality of the content and the calibre of the guest. Yet the most enthusiastic listener feedback singles out the chemistry between me and the guest. For years, I’ve puzzled over why I vibe with some people but I’m awkward with others. As a social scientist, as always, I started with the data. After synthesizing the findings, I found stories that animate the key insights. I’ll show you why similarity doesn’t always accelerate solidarity and why frequent interaction is not essential to connection. I’ll reveal the small touchpoints that can have big consequences, what it really takes for teams to click in work and sports, and what constitutes the ingredients for lifelong friendships. Successful relationships are essential to all of us, and I want to show readers how we can spark, strengthen, and sustain connections in every corner of our lives.