He's Definitely Controlling Me

He's Definitely Controlling Me: A Humorous Guide to Misinterpreting Everything Your Husband Does Does your husband do the laundry without being asked? Make dinner? Walk the dog so you can sleep until noon? Wake up. He's manipulating you. In this groundbreaking work of satirical genius, author Steve exposes the sinister truth about "nice" husbands everywhere. Every act of kindness? Calculated. Every helpful gesture? Strategic. Every time he says "I love you"? Psychological warfare. Featuring 498 ways your husband is definitely, absolutely, 100% manipulating you—including: He cleaned the house. Without being asked. Environmental manipulation. He remembered your birthday. Information retention for future leverage. He stays calm during arguments. Emotional regulation is a power move. He apologizes first. Apology warfare. He doesn't remember that argument from 2003. Selective memory manipulation. He let YOU pick the restaurant. Decision fatigue deployment. He charged your car overnight. Electrical manipulation. He exists. Suspicious. But wait, there's more! This comprehensive guide includes: The Real Proposal Story: How he "got a job offer" in Florida and made HER demand marriage A Letter to My Younger Self: Warnings from a wife almost 30 years into manipulation The Apology He'll Never Give: A full confession of his kindness-based control tactics Support Group Transcript: Wives of Suspiciously Nice Husbands (WSNH) share their stories Text Message Evidence: "Picked up milk" and other coded manipulation What the Dog Thinks: Even the family pet has been compromised A Complete Glossary: Including terms like "Weaponized Competence," "Thermal Burden Shifting," and "Beverage-Based De-escalation Tactics" Manipulation Bingo: Because if you're going to be controlled, you might as well make it a game Discussion Questions: For book clubs brave enough to confront the truth A Rate Your Husband Quiz: Find out just how manipulative your spouse really is Written from the perspective of Janet, a wife who has endured almost three decades of relentless kindness, home-cooked meals, and unsolicited acts of love, this book is the ultimate gift for: Wives who are suspicious of nice husbands Husbands who feel deeply seen Couples who enjoy laughing at themselves Anyone who has ever been accused of manipulation for doing the dishes Perfect for anniversaries, Valentine's Day, wedding showers, or any occasion where you want to give the gift of uncomfortable self-recognition wrapped in humor. WARNING: Reading this book may cause sudden appreciation for your spouse, uncontrollable laughter, and the realization that maybe—just maybe—the person who folds your laundry isn't running a psychological operation. Or maybe that's exactly what they want you to think.