Mindreading 101: Decoding "I'm Fine" and Other Social Lies

Ever wondered if you need supernatural powers to understand what people are actually saying? Good news, you don't need ESP, just this book. In a world where "I'm fine" can mean anything from "I'm genuinely okay" to "I'm planning your silent demise," Mindreading 101 is your field guide to the wilderness of human communication, where what people say and what they mean have only a casual acquaintance with each other. With razor-sharp wit and uncomfortable accuracy, this book decodes the hilarious contradictions of everyday conversations: Why "Do what you want" is actually a choose-your-own-adventure book where all endings are bad How "Let's hang out sometime" exists on a spectrum from "I would sacrifice a kidney to see you again" to "I hope we never occupy the same zip code" Why your colleague saying "Per my last email" is corporate-speak for "Did you even read what I wrote, you absolute walnut?" The complex mathematics of birthday reciprocity and the existential dread of "No gifts, please" Whether you're navigating passive-aggressive workplace emails, deciphering family gathering subtext, or trying to determine if that text with three dots means impending doom, Mindreading 101 transforms you from social detective to communication savant. Warning: Side effects may include uncontrollable laughter, frequent exclamations of "That's SO true!", and the sudden realization that you've been doing everything wrong your entire social life. May also cause unexpected moments of authentic communication with other humans, for which the author accepts no responsibility. Perfect for: Overthinkers who spend three days analysing a one-word text message People who've ever said "fine" while being distinctly not fine Anyone who's stood in a restaurant parking lot for 40 minutes deciding where to eat while everyone claims they "don't care" Humans who live among other humans and find them utterly perplexing Buy this book if you want to laugh, cringe, and finally understand why saying "We should definitely get coffee sometime!" is the modern equivalent of "May the odds be ever in your favour." No actual mind reading abilities guaranteed. Results may vary. The author is not responsible for any uncomfortable truths discovered during the reading of this book.