Procrastinator's guide to the Zombie Apocalypse

Not all heroes have a plan. Some have snacks. The Procrastinator's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse is your survival handbook for when the undead rise—and you're still scrolling TikTok in your pajama pants. This isn't a guide for elite preppers or action movie stars. It's for the rest of us: the mildly motivated, chronically distracted, and emotionally dependent on hoodies. If you've ever thought, "I should get ready... tomorrow," this book gets you. Inside, you'll find practical-ish wisdom like: How to recognize a zombie outbreak without panic-buying beans What to pack when you forgot to pack Barricading your living room without ruining the vibe Starting a survivor group (even if people exhaust you) Using duct tape as a multi-tool and emotional crutch Equal parts parody, guidebook, and oddly comforting hug, this book helps you face the end of the world with low expectations and high sarcasm. Whether you're planning a dramatic escape, fortifying your blanket fort, or just trying to avoid being zombie brunch, you'll find advice that's honest, weirdly relatable, and occasionally even useful. What early readers are saying: "Scared the dog with how much I laughed." — Early Reader "Like a sarcastic voiceover narrating your doom." — ARC Reviewer "Outright hilarious… I am, indeed, the guardian of the snacks and booze." — Reviewer "Would give it 5 stars if it had more detail on how to build a pillow fort." — Advance Copy Reader "An amusing quick read… I read it while procrastinating on other things." — Early Reviewer Perfect for fans of The Zombie Survival Guide, How to Survive a Horror Movie, or anyone who's Googled "apocalypse snacks," this book turns the end of days into the ultimate group project—where the only rule is: don't be Kevin.