Read This or Don't: I No Longer Care

Congratulations. You've found the bottom of the barrel. Most books try to inspire you. They want to whisk you away to a land of wonder, or teach you how to "manifest" a life that doesn't smell like microwave ramen and dying dreams. This is not one of those books. READ THIS OR DON'T is the story of Daisy Waterfront—a woman worn down by the largely unrewarding life of the writer. It's a novel for anyone who has ever looked at a "Best Seller" list and felt stabbing pains in their heart. It's for the word-smiths who spend more time drowning in rejection than dollar-dollar bills, yo. Why should you buy it? Honestly, you probably shouldn't. But if you're a struggling creative, this book is a gift; a gift you'll probably try to re-gift, only to have it fly back at you like a warped boomerang. It is so spectacularly abysmal, so aggressively cynical, and so profoundly hopeless that it will make your own sh*tty struggles feel utterly triumphant. Inside, you will find: Fresh, steaming piles of schadenfreude served on a bed of literary failure. A protagonist who has replaced her "unique voice" with deep frown-lines and fresh crow's feet. The realization that the "lighted candle on the windowsill" of your dreams is actually just a fire hazard. Stop trying to be a genius. Stop trying to "crush it." Come sit in the dirt with Daisy and realize that the view from the bottom isn't actually that bad—it's just oddly damp. Read this. Or don't. Daisy Waterfront truly, deeply, does not care.