Before I Disappeared

I used to think love was something you held onto. Something you protected. Something you waited for, even when it stopped reaching back. From the outside, my life looks complete. A marriage. A home. Stability built carefully over the years. The kind of life people admire without asking too many questions. The kind that's supposed to be enough. But somewhere along the way, I started disappearing. Not dramatically. Not all at once. Just quietly—between conversations that never happened and needs I learned not to voice. Between loving someone and realizing they no longer see me. I tell myself this is what commitment looks like. That wanting more is selfish. That loneliness doesn't count if you're not technically alone. Then something shifts. A moment. A truth I can't unlearn. A version of myself I barely recognize—but suddenly miss. Leaving isn't easy. Staying isn't either. And the hardest part isn't choosing between love and loss—it's choosing whether I'm allowed to choose myself at all. This is a story about the kind of heartbreak no one warns you about. The kind that happens slowly, in plain sight. And the quiet, radical act of coming back to yourself before you're gone for good. Before I Disappeared is an intimate, emotionally resonant novel about marriage, identity, and the courage it takes to stop waiting—and start living.