Cosmic Custodian, The

This audiobook is narrated by a digital voice. Brian Mopton lived and died by a simple creed: a place for everything, and everything in its place. So when he was resurrected as the sentient starship Custodian Vessel 734, he was horrified to learn his new, eternal job was to clean up the entire universe. Armed with a crew of his own slightly-defective clones—a cynical detective, a hyperactive engineer, and a bureaucrat who communicates exclusively in triplicate—and a reality-bending boy who's their newest apprentice, Brian tackles the cosmos's most inconvenient spills, from misplaced socks to misfiled solar flares. But a new threat has emerged from the void: the anti-custodians, a terrifying force of absolute tidiness dedicated to erasing every colorful, chaotic, and beautiful story from existence, leaving nothing but a perfect, sterile gray. Faced with an enemy that hates messes, Brian and his team must embrace a new, terrifying directive: creative vandalism. They become a bookmobile for the cosmos, traveling to the quietest corners of the universe not to clean, but to make a glorious, joyful mess. The Cosmic Custodian is a hilarious and heartfelt adventure for anyone who believes that the universe is a beautiful, chaotic place, and that sometimes, the only way to save it is to spill a little paint, play some loud music, and leave things a little messier than you found them.