Derelictus

This audiobook is narrated by a digital voice. Derelictus Doug "Trucker" McAllister just wanted to haul space grain, pay off his debts, and maybe enjoy a semi-decent burger occasionally. But when the disgruntled space trucker stumbles across a derelict alien ship, his life takes a hard left into the absurd. Inside, he discovers a bizarre, ancient DNA archive that doesn't just store genetic material but rewrites reality itself. What starts with a desperate bid to strike it rich turns Doug into an unwitting test subject. He's soon mutating into forms he can't control—a six-eyed philosopher raccoon, a Broadway-singing brain, and even a cactus with existential dread. And while Doug battles the constant threat of genetic chaos, his ship's AI, Freddie, offers the right mix of snarky humor and razor-sharp advice to keep him grounded—or at least entertained. As Doug dives deeper into the alien ship's mysteries, he learns that DNA was the last creation of an ancient, godlike species capable of bending space, time, and biology. Their power tore their civilization apart, leaving only echoes and chaos in their wake. Now, Doug faces an impossible choice: embrace the DNA and become the next architect of reality—or destroy it and save himself from eternity as the universe's most unpredictable science experiment. With echoes of The Martian's gritty humor and Slaughterhouse-Five's dark absurdity, there is a wildly entertaining blend of slapstick chaos, razor-sharp wit, and cosmic stakes. Doug's journey through transformation, loss, and identity is as laugh-out-loud funny as it is profoundly human. Strap in for a sci-fi romp that's equal parts absurd and awe-inspiring, where the stakes are as high as the humor—and the answers to life's biggest questions might just be found in the DNA of a six-eyed raccoon.