Ivan The Terrible: The World's Worst Best Dog

let me tell you about Ivan—the world's absolute worst best dog ever. Honestly, I blame myself for this one. I made the colossal mistake of watching Marley & Me with him when he was a puppy. Big mistake. Huge. He must've seen Marley as his life coach or spiritual guide because, wow, Ivan isn't just following in Marley's paw prints—he's sprinting past them while setting the house on fire. Now, I didn't exactly plan on adopting Ivan. He sort of landed in my life in the middle of an absolute train wreck. His previous owner was wrapped up in drugs and sex trafficking (yep, the human, not the dog), and poor Ivan was caught in the chaos. I couldn't just toss him to the SPCA or some other shelter where he'd sit for years or, worse, end up put down. So, despite already having a full-grown dog at home and absolutely no extra bandwidth for nonsense, I brought Ivan in. Spoiler alert: he's been bringing the nonsense ever since. Ivan is like a four-legged tornado with fur. He's chewed things I didn't even know could be chewed, barked at objects I couldn't see, and made it his personal mission to test my patience daily. But for all the times he's driven me to question every decision I've ever made, he's also melted my heart in ways I didn't know were possible. He's goofy, loyal, and completely clueless about how much trouble he causes—which somehow makes him even more lovable. It didn't take long for me to decide that Ivan was never, ever going back to the mess he came from. No matter how many challenges (or shoes) he throws my way, this chaotic, lovable disaster is staying right here with me. Because Ivan isn't just a dog—he's family. And sure, he's the kind of family who makes you want to scream into a pillow sometimes, but at the end of the day, he's my pillow-shredding, chaos-bringing, absolute best boy.