You…Trump!

What if a self-help book was written by a delusional president… about himself? You…Trump! is the ultimate parody of power, ego, and gold-plated denial — a satirical masterclass in becoming the loudest, wrongest version of yourself. Across 28 "Disasters," you'll learn how to: Demand applause from furniture Sue smoothies for emotional sabotage Trademark grief and sell it back to your followers Fire people for blinking Build a cult, call it a brand, and monetize denial It's not a biography. It's not journalism. It's not even fair. It's a full-blown survival guide for the Age of Narcissism™ — featuring Negotiator Trump™, Tech Trump™, Spiritual Trump™, Superhero Trump™, and many more. WHAT'S INSIDE THE BOOK: 28 satirical lessons ("Disasters") from the many faces of Trump-inspired madness The Lost Chapter™ — a mythical, godlike Trump prequel you never asked for Glossary of Greatness™ — a Trump-to-English decoder packed with original satire Are You…Trump!? — a hilarious personality quiz for diagnosing delusion Self-Written Mythology™, Mandatory Gratitude™, and a Final Poetic Warning™ WHO THIS BOOK IS FOR: Fans of The Onion, Don't Look Up, Thank You for Smoking, and political satire Readers who love absurd humor with real cultural critique Anyone who's ever screamed at the news, then laughed about it Humans seeking a guide to not becoming a monument to narcissism Gift-givers shopping for fans of chaos, comedy, or clever destruction of ego EARLY PRAISE (FROM IMAGINARY AWARD SHOWS): "Most Humble Griever in History" – GriefWick™ Awards "Best Use of the Word 'Best'" – EchoBlare™ Review Board "Lifetime Achievement in Delusional Branding" – Trophy Trump™ Gala THIS IS A JOKE. SERIOUSLY. A JOKE. This book is a work of parody and satire. It is not intended to defame, insult, or harm anyone. All events, characters, meltdowns, and mirror lawsuits are exaggerated for comedic and cultural commentary. Don't be You…Trump!. Read it. Laugh. Then try being better. Available now in paperback, hardcover, and eBook formats. Blessed Be the Delusion