Monsters & Minivans

Meet Diana Delaney, a nondescript, middle aged, talentless housewife and school office administrator. Diana's got a new job: one she didn't apply for. Monster Hunter. Now she's got to save New Orleans, one beast at a time. With knowledge came power. And problems. No one mentions that part. Oh, maybe it was glossed over in the whole blissful ignorance bit. The truth is, I rather missed not knowing. I missed not seeing strange creatures all too often, even in suburbia. I missed the sleep of those not troubled with the secrets of what truly went bump in the night. Ever since I discovered banshees were more than an expression and witchcraft wasn't tied to a satanic cult, I'd changed. Some of it was good. Kenna was looking at me differently after my return. She decided that crying it out had worked wonders for me. I wondered what made her think I'd spent my vacation crying. And she explained that I had that look of one who had a most cathartic experience. She wasn't wrong. I'd decided to live. I'd worked on healing. And killing that banshee had been a special kind of therapy. Unfortunately, the crone (Attie) predicted that wouldn't be my last monster. No, she'd warned that my life would never quite be the same again. I seriously hoped she was wrong, but I'd begun to prepare for what I now viewed as the inevitable. There were monsters among us, and for once, I wasn't referring to Jim. No, my view on him hadn't changed, I'd just discovered there were worse creatures than the cheater on whom I'd wasted my best years on. And maybe my only egg. The likelihood of more children seemed slim. Keeping Kenna alive and the monsters at bay would be my life, with a smattering of party planning for the ultimate work-life balance. Little did I know, my next party might be my last, or that when the bridesmaid joked about the bride's future her monster-in-law, she wasn't even a little wrong. All I had to do was figure out a way to kill her without killing my business and literally losing a customer. As far as crime fighters were concerned, Scooby-Doo's crew had the Mystery Machine. Magnum PI had that red Ferrari. Me, I had a mini-van. What I lacked in style, I made up for in space.